Eric J. O'Denius'

StarCon Sitcoms

The Daikon Show

Alien Species Used: Shofixti

Based On: The Cosby Show

PLOT SUMMARY: A typical Shofixti father raises his offspring to be ferocious warriors within a strong ethical framework.


Daikon        Father
Ginzu         Mother
Busu          Son
Tora-3        Daughter
Tanaka        Doctor

SCENE: A typical Shofixti living room. Busu and Tora-3 are playing a game. We are struck by the poor quality of the lip-synch, but Arlene in Dubbing Control was reading Shogun while running the dub VCR, so what do we expect anyway?

BUSU: "J8."

TORA: "Miss. B5."

BUSU: "Hit! Hey! You sunk my battleship!"

TORA: "You have to now draw a Severe Misfortune card, brother!"

BUSU: "No, sister, those are bad; my captain will commit ritual suicide instead! Now I can draw an Honorable Redemption card instead!"

TORA: "No, brother! You are trying to cheat me! The Hari-Kari option only allows you to discard your first HR card!"

DAIKON walks in.

DAIKON: "Son, are you trying to cheat your sister?" BUSU looks guilty. DAIKON continues. "Son, that was a bad act. You must always remember to do the correct thing."

BUSU (humbled): "Yes, father."

Offstage, we here a female voice. "HUSBAND!"

DAIKON: "Ginzu! Is it time?"


BUSU: "Again? But Mom just had babies last month!"

DAIKON was hurrying offstage but BUSU's remark stops him cold. He turns around and says sharply: "BUSU!"

BUSU: "Sorry, Father."

DAIKON: "This is no time to question your authority figures, Busu! Take your sister and your mother in the Yugo. I will take the Pinto and lead the way!"

BUSU (excited): "Yes, Father!"


We now are in typical Shofixti homeworld gridlock. The hospital is in sight, but it is clear that the family will not make it in time at this rate. We see everyone in BUSU's Yugo except BUSU panicking. Switch to Pinto.

DAIKON: "My family and the Empire rely on me to provide Shofixti-power for the War. But our odds are not good. I must make the supreme sacrifice for the Empire! It is been a fulfilling life."

He actuates three switches. DAIKON: "BANZAI!!" We see a tremendous, non-cratering explosion. The highway for many miles in both directions is clear of stalled traffic. Nearby houses are on fire. BUSU's Yugo motors along at a fast clip.

BUSU: "We will make it, Mother! My father has sacrificed himself so that new warriors may live!"

GINZU (struggling): "Your leadership in the car has held us together, Busu. You are the man of the house. You bring pride to your father's honor."

BUSU glows with pride.


At the hospital.

TANAKA (to family; Ginzu is on a gurney): "I've been a doctor for years, Madame Ginzu, and I've never seen such a fine boy! What joy it must bring to you!

GINZU: "It does indeed. I think we should name him Banzai, in representation of the spirit of his deceased father."

The family smiles as the lights dim on the family, doctor, and 471 other newly-admitted trauma patients, 106 of which are already deceased.

But, for the Shofixti, this is maybe a 14 minute setback.

Ahem. In any rate:

*** END ***

Back to StarCon Sitcoms

Last Update: October 19, 1999